seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
