We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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