just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
