she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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