We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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