Porn is love you can see.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
