i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
