he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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