let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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