Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
