How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
