Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
