Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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