I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
