By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
