see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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