I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
