Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
