Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So squirting runs in the family.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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