Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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