Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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