my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
