Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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