just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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