good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
