Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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