Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
