and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
