Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize