i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
pray to the hookup gods
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
