My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
