You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
