I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
