It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
