this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
