I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
