life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
