had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
