oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
