Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
