got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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