why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
