I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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