the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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