her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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