they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
