Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
