he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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