we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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