Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
