I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
