im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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