what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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