we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
