Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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