Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
