you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
