i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
