Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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