i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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