***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
