Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
