just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I did not marry a roomba.
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