Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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