Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Text me some of your sweat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
