forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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